


We Must Be Brave

by LizzieLovesWriting



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, Porn With Plot, What-If, how it should've gone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-01-30 16:34:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21431311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzieLovesWriting/pseuds/LizzieLovesWriting
Summary: Love is complex, especially in the face of war. Jaime knows who he loves most truly, but when that love is threatened what would he do to protect it?
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, Past Jaime Lannister/Cersei Lannister
Comments: 11
Kudos: 78





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my newest story. It's planned out and it's huge (expect about 18 chapters with the average chapter length 10,000 words-- eep!). A few months ago I thought what would have happened if Jaime had stayed in Winterfell? What would've happened if Cersei had won the war? This is my creative exploration of these questions. A lot of talk, a lot of sex between our two favourite people (Jaime and Brienne were at it all the time, I am certain!), and a love so deep that not even a mad Queen could destroy it....
> 
> (If you love Dany and/or Cersei you might not like this story...)
> 
> Also, we are following tv show canon to a certain point, some conversations that were in the show are here, but are slightly different... to try and make more sense of them, let's say ;)

A large thud made Brienne jump. She had been half asleep. Lifting her head, she looked upwards, frowning.

“It’s alright, just people… celebrating,” Jaime murmured, his green eyes gazing at Brienne with gentle humour.

The heat in the room had intensified. It was stifling. The fire, which had roared back to life the moment Brienne had placed another log on it an hour before, was crackling at a steady pace. Voices could be heard yelling with sheer joy from down the corridor. Seeping through the wooden ceiling were moans and cries of passion, coming from one of the bedrooms above. This was where the thud had originated, no doubt the bed being shunted against the wall during enthusiastic thrusts.

Swallowing hard, a flood of recent memory filled her mind, touches, kisses, thrusts of her own, as she looked back down into Jaime’s eyes. Hitching a smile, she found herself almost purring at Jaime’s caress through her hair, down her neck, and onto her shoulder. She could literally feel her blush rising up her chest and onto her face. She kept her eyes on Jaime’s and she felt caught in wonder. Wonder at the way that he was looking at her, touching her, holding her. She had never thought it possible that such a man could want to be with her. He smiled back at her, tentatively, pressing her head back to his chest. His heart was a smooth beat in her ear. The sound settled her. They were alive and that was all that mattered after the battle with the dead.

“Jaime?” Brienne whispered, laying her palm flat on his chest. She twitched her thumb, feeling the roughness of his chest hair, she delighted in the feeling. Her eyes swept along his body; both of them were free of the furs that they had shoved unceremoniously at the foot of the bed. It was definitely too hot to be covered. She took in his long lean legs, his long toes, the tufts of hair that sat atop them. His cock, that only a short time ago had been hard, hard for her, hard inside her, it now lay flaccid between his legs. She wondered if she touched it would it go stiff again. Her hand twitched to find out. But as Jaime ran his fingers up and down her arm, she felt herself drift.

“Yes?” Jaime replied, pressing a kiss into her hair.

Brienne didn’t reply, she had dropped of to sleep, feeling safe, and for the first time in her life, truly accepted by another.

Jaime couldn’t sleep. As he gazed down at the soft, almost white hair of Brienne, he listened to the noises around the chamber. The yelling from down the corridor had died down, but the moans still echoed above, whoever was fucking certainly had longevity. Jaime felt himself flush at his own poor performance that evening. Like a green boy having a go around for the first time, he had lasted only minutes. His cock twitch as he remembered the feeling of Brienne’s tight cunt around him, he grasped her limp hand and raised it for a kiss.

Jaime wasn’t sure how he felt about what had just happened. Elated, certainly. In awe, definitely. But an underlying feeling of fear pervaded his every sense and thought. As much as it felt right to be with Brienne, to love her, Cersei lingered at the edges of his consciousness. Every now and then her face would flicker, like a mirage, in his minds eye. An alluring look in her eye, the flush of her skin when she would come, her voice telling him that they were one soul in two bodies, that they belonged to each other eternally. _Will I ever be free of that damnable woman_, Jaime frowned and huffed.

Brienne seemed to sense his annoyance in her sleep and promptly rolled off him and away. As she settled back down she shivered. Jaime sat up and reached for the furs, pulling one up over her long legs and torso. He then pulled another one up over himself. Laying back down he stared at the ceiling and listened as the moans above gave way to cries of completion. _How many people are fucking tonight?_ Jaime pondered, he guessed at least half the occupants of Winterfell had to be in each others beds. _Is Greyjoy in Cersei’s bed tonight?_ Jaime wanted to curse, why should he care whether Euron fucking Greyjoy was bedding his sister. The thought sent a stab of jealousy through his heart and he hated it. Cersei had made her feelings known to him and he to her. As far as he was concerned his sweet sister was gone, transformed into a vile, malignant beast. A beast that had to be stopped before she destroyed everything that was good.

_Why am I even thinking on her, especially when I am in the bed of a good woman, the best person I have ever known? _Jaime glanced towards Brienne and felt guilty for being so consumed with his sister. Guilt made him look away, back at the ceiling. He felt uneasy. He felt like shit. Next to him was a true knight, someone who had struggled with her own demons and remained loving and caring and good. How could two women who have been through hell be so different? One so corrupted by the meanness around her and the other so resistant to its poison. _No, that’s wrong, Cersei wasn’t corrupted, she had a meanness in her already_, Jaime thought, remembering a young Cersei pinching baby Tyrion’s cock until he screamed. He couldn’t imagine a young Brienne doing that to a baby Tyrion. _Cersei was always angry with everyone, but not with me, and that is why I loved her_… Jaime’s eyebrows raised above his hairline. The realisation of a truth astounded him. Cersei had always been angry with others, with their father, brother, Aunts and Uncles, cousins, friends, but with him she had always showed her vulnerability. She would cry only in front of Jaime, she would rant and rave only in front of Jaime, she would let her true passions fly only in front of Jaime.

_Does that mean that Cersei was right? That I am her and she is me, that we really are one soul in two bodies… does that make me hateful like Cersei_. Jaime turned and looked at Brienne again, _and if I am so hateful, what am I doing here, lying with the best person that exists in this shit world_. Jaime looked quickly back at the ceiling, he couldn’t look at Brienne and ponder his guilt, otherwise he would leap from the bed and run as far away from her as possible. _And that would break her, I can’t break her, because that would break me completely; I love her_, Jaime reached up and wiped at his wet eyes. Overwhelmed and exhausted, Jaime’s emotions felt out of control, they prickled across his skin like ants skittering across the ground. Shutting his eyes against the onslaught he failed to hold back more tears.

“I’m sorry.”

Opening his eyes, Jaime turned his head again towards Brienne. She had rolled back to face him, now awake, her bottom lip trembling. The fear in her eyes made him feel sick. _This, this is what I do to her, make her feel like she is worthless, like she is a joke, _he remembered her hesitancy when he wanted to knight her. And here they were, back in that moment, where she wasn’t sure whether to believe in his actions, his words, and he had to prove to her that he meant everything he did for and with her. Wiping his cheeks again and rolled toward her and tried to smile, “what are you sorry for?”

Brienne’s eyes darted around the room, landing everywhere except his face, she whispered, “for being so forward, for forcing you to be with me, for-“

“Forcing me? There was no forcing, we both made a choice, I… I wanted to be here with you, otherwise I wouldn’t have come to your door.”

Finally her eyes landed on his and she saw the truth in them, “but I am not beautiful, I am not Cers-“

Jaime rolled onto his stomach, bringing him in line with her body, and kissed the words out of her mouth. He pulled himself higher so that his arms framed her head and with his left hand now free, he caressed her hair. Looking into her deep blue eyes all thought of Cersei fled his mind. Here, in this moment, it was just the two of them, two flawed people who had been through trauma and found solace in each other’s arms. Brienne smiled slightly. _She is beautiful, others might not see it, but I do_, Jaime ran his fingers down the side of her face, her neck, and to the tops of her meagre breasts. Goosebumps trailed his fingers. Bending down he kissed her neck, and she sighed deeply.

“Are you sore?” Jaime whispered between his kisses.

Brienne lifted her head slightly in confusion, “sore?”

“Between your legs, your cunt?”

“Oh!” Brienne stuttered. “Um, a little, I guess, is it meant to… be sore?”

Jaime raised his head and looked at her again, “perhaps, a little, you’re not used to-”

“No I’m not, why are you asking?” Brienne looked at him quizzically.

Leaning forward he whispered in her ear, as he shifted his body to press his hard cock on her thigh, “I want to be inside you again.”

Brienne flushed, both from embarrassment and pleasure at being so desired. “Um, I… alright.”

As his lips found her’s again, Brienne welcomed his tongue, swiping flush against her’s. She had not known that kissing could be so, so intimate. When Jaime had first thrust his tongue in her mouth a couple of hours ago she had been shocked and pulled away, confused. He had frowned at her and then laughed. She had stepped out of his embrace and snapped at him, grabbing her tunic from the floor. He had had to grovel his way back into her arms, assuring her that he was just surprised by her response. It hadn’t taken her long after that to welcome his touch and his tongue again.

Brienne couldn’t help the shudder that rippled through her body as his lips wetly pressed their way down her neck and chest. Gasping as he sucked her nipple, she arched under his body, not knowing how to express her desires, her needs. Shifting so his body cradled between her legs, Brienne was surprised when, instead of pushing his cock into her, he continued to kiss his way down her stomach. He stopped once his lips reached the juncture of her thighs, sitting at the top of her thick wiry curls. He lay there gazing up at her and the look in his eye was thrilling. Gripping his forearms, Brienne smiled at him, swallowing hard. _Is this real, is he really here, with me, wanting me, loving me_, she watched bewitched as he lowered his mouth to her cunt.

She almost leapt off the bed at the feel of his tongue on her bud, knocking her knee hard into the side of his head. Jaime yelped in pain and sat up rubbing the side of his head.

Mortified, Brienne sat up as well. She couldn't believe she had injured Jaime whilst he was doing _that_. Red in the face, Brienne leant forward to see if Jaime was okay, at precisely the same time he leant forward to assure her he was fine. Their foreheads clunked together, causing Jaime further pain and Brienne to hiss and rub her brow. _Why is this happening to me?_ Brienne berated herself_, why am I so clumsy? He is never going to want to be with me again._

Laughter made Brienne look up, glaring in her lover’s direction. Jaime was trying to stifle the laughter, even as he rubbed his head. As soon as he saw Brienne’s embarrassed face, however, he reached forward and cupped her face.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, these things happen.”

“But you’re laughing.”

Jaime sighed, a smile still twitching his lips, “Brienne, what we’re doing, fucking, it’s meant to be enjoyable, fun, and sometimes things go wrong, you just have to laugh and move on— or rather laugh and go back to more pleasant things.”

“I don’t know if I can laugh at… this. I’m embarrassed. I’m sure your sis-“

Jaime’s face suddenly became serious, “No, don’t mention her, she doesn’t belong in here, with us.”

Brienne felt like crying. How could she destroy the mood so quickly, with a knock to his head and mentioning the woman who was a shadow hovering over both of them. _I am not made for this, for men, for loving someone, for being a wife and mother_, she startled at that last thought. Not that she had never considered being a wife or mother. As a young girl she had held girlish fancies as much as her cousins did. She had played at getting married, played at mothering with her doll, a gift from the Capital that her father had got her after her mother died. She had loved that doll with a passion. It had been beautiful, with long dark brown hair, a painted face of white and rose, and a velvet dress the colour of the hidden pools of Tarth. How Brienne had wanted to look like her doll, had hoped that she would grow up to be so beautiful. The first time her Septa told her she was ugly was the day she threw the doll across the room with all her strength, smashing its head to pieces against the marble fireplace.

With Renly she had known from the very start of her love for him that he would never be her’s. Not in the way she truly wanted. To serve him was enough. To protect him and support him as her King was enough. Until he was killed by a shadow and she realised that even love couldn’t stop death from encroaching on your happiness. And now there was Jaime. Beautiful, flawed, frustrating, wonderful Jaime. Brienne had thought she had understood what love was, and then upon meeting the Kingslayer, going on a journey with him that resulted in their mutual need for each others support and kindness, and finally their friendship that had grown from their bonds of trauma, now she understood what love was. But she had always seen love as for serious people who were passionate and beautiful. Too many people had turned her feelings into a joke, helping her see that these feelings and experiences weren’t open to people like her. _And here is Jaime making a joke out of our lovemaking, out of my embarrassment_.

Brienne pulled back from Jaime and made to get off the bed, but he grabbed her by the arm and urged her back.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you, it’s just… I have left her behind, I don’t… I don’t want to talk about her,” Jaime pleaded with Brienne. Sitting back on the bed, Brienne looked at him carefully, she wasn’t sure how much to believe him. As much as she hoped he had completely cut faith with Cersei, the twin’s history was too deep for there not to be lingering feelings. Even if he didn’t want to talk about it now, he would have to eventually. Jaime leant towards her, slowly this time, and pressed his cheek to hers. Closing her eyes, Brienne revelled in the press of his skin, the hint of his breath on her ear.

“Please,” Jaime whispered. “Just forget about her. It is only us in this room.”

Brienne took a slow steady breath in, like she did right before the first swing of a sword in a fight. Nodding her head, she shifted so that she could look at him. “I’m sorry-“

Jaime swept in before she could finish her apology. Pressing his lips on her’s, his tongue slid into her mouth again. This time he wanted to make her forget everything else except him. Pressing his body against her’s, he skated his hand down her side, eliciting a snorted giggle from her. Pulling back from his kiss Jaime looked at Brienne in wonder. Her eyes widened and she bit her lip.

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”

“Nothing my arse,” Jaime cheekily grinned as he lightly touched her side again, causing Brienne to try and roll away from him, whilst shuddering with unexpressed laughter. “Ahhhhhhh, so that’s how I get the Maid of Tarth to laugh.”

“Jaime,” Brienne gasped with laughter, desperately trying to push his hand away. “Piss….. OFF!”

Laughing with her, Jaime stopped tickling Brienne and slid his hand up to cup her breast instead. Squeezing it lightly, his thumb brushing over her nipple was the only thing that made her stop laughing. However, it made her squirm for a different reason.

“You’re wrong Jaime.”

Jaime frowned, even as he watched the way her nipple tightened under his thumb, “hmmmm, what do you mean?”

Brienne cleared her throat, “I’m not the Maid of Tarth anymore.”

Jaime raised his eyes to her’s, a smirk twitching on his lips, “no… no you’re not.”

The warmth of her body was calming, the warmth of her eyes set Jaime’s passions alive. At the same time as he lowered his head to her breast, his hand dove between her legs. Brienne’s arch of pleasure almost tossed him from the bed, but he pushed her back down with all of his strength. He whispered against her skin that he was strong enough and she whispered back that he wasn’t. And when he pushed into her she relented, groaning “perhaps you are.”

—

The sun was well and truly up the next morning before Brienne opened her eyes and stretched. The room smelt musty, like bad breath and something else Brienne couldn’t identify. Dust clouds floated through the air, illuminated by the weak light shining in narrow window. A man’s voice came and went past the window, saying something about the mess everyone had left the courtyard in. _Not that it was clean and tidy beforehand_, Brienne frowned, there was still foul detritus all over the castle from the dead. Blood, bone, rotting guts and skin. The cleanup had begun, but Sansa had suggested it could take weeks to get Winterfell back to as normal as possible. It would take months to get the keep rebuilt.

A soft snore next to her drew Brienne from her musings. Turning her head she took in Jaime, sprawled like a young child across the bed. He reminded her of the green, black, and red starfishes that would wash up on the Tarth beaches after a storm. His hand was almost touching her face. His left leg was hooked around her right. Jaime had been fishing for a maid and he had caught her.

Brienne could barely believe what had happened the night before, twice. Unable to contain the smile on her face and the flush of happiness, she reached out and gently ran her fingers from his shoulder to his fingertips. Brienne realised his skin was cool, which was not surprising considering the only part of him covered by a fur was his cock and thighs. Quietly and gently, Brienne reached down and pulled another fur up to cover his torso. Noticing that the fire had died down to embers, she slid out of the bed and quickly tiptoed to the fire, grabbing a log and placing it quietly in the fireplace. She also tossed a few handfuls of kindling in, to aid in the embers catching light again.

Rubbing her arms against the cold, Brienne quickly got back into bed, pulling furs up around her again. And Jaime slept on. Lying on her side, Brienne carefully moved his arm to lay across his belly and she shifted closer to him. _He’s cold and another body warms you up better than just a fire or fur_. Pressing herself against him she noticed that he had stopped snoring and his breathing was quicker. Scoffing, she reached down and pinched his shoulder.

“Ow!” Jaime opened his eyes and glared at Brienne.

“How long have you been awake?” Brienne asked as she kissed where she had pinched.

“Since you left the bed… I had quite the view while you were putting another log on the fire,” Jaime smirked, causing Brienne to blush. “Speaking of logs, I have one that could use a bit of heat…”

Brienne looked at Jaime confused. _Why would he want me to light another log when I have just put one on the fire_.

Jaime laughed as he gestured to his crotch, “you won’t find the log I’m talking about anywhere else other than in this bed.”

“Oh my Gods,” Brienne huffed, realising exactly what he meant. “Would you stop teasing me about this, I-“

“Do you remember what I said last night, it’s meant to be fun-“

“Fun yes, but crude, I don’t like crudeness.”

“How was what I said crude? I told you the truth, I have a log that you could heat up, if you wanted to!” Jaime laughed again. Brienne pinched him, on the nipple this time, but it didn’t have the desired effect she thought it would. Instead of Jaime yelping, he groaned and leant closer to her.

“That is certainly lighting the embers Brienne,” Jaime murmured against her lips. Brienne felt such strong desire to give into Jaime, to go again, but with the sun well up, she was worried that Sansa might need her. She pushed him away.

“I need to get dressed, I need to go-“

Jaime pulled her back to him, “go where? No-one worth being up and about will be up and about, and I know you’re thinking of Lady Stark, but trust me, she won’t be expecting you anytime soon.”

“Jaime! How can you say that… she won’t think that… that we…”

Jaime smirked, “I think she has a fairly good idea.”

“Oh,” Brienne's face fell. Jaime stopped smiling. A little dagger of rejection stabbed his heart. This time it was Jaime who pulled away and swung his legs out of bed.

“What are you doing?” Brienne asked, chewing her bottom lip.

“Obviously you’re embarrassed about having fucked me, I’m leaving, I’ll be as discreet as I can when I leave, my Lady,” Jaime huffed as he tried to yank his breeches on quickly, struggling though with only the use of one hand.

Brienne sighed and got out of her side of the bed and walked around to him, “Jaime I didn’t mean that… it is just, it wouldn’t matter who I lay with, it is still embarrassing to know that my Lady _knows_ that I have… you know, without being… without…”

Brienne felt further shame flood her body as she struggled to say the word marriage. She never wanted Jaime to think that she was trying to trap him into a relationship he may not actually want.

Jaime only glanced at her, continuing to tie his breeches up. It wasn’t until Brienne reached out and stilled his hand that he stopped and looked at her.

“I’m sorry,” Brienne said, a lump in her throat. Fear of him leaving, of being angry with her, made her chest hurt. “But I am not used to this. People have mocked me for so long about being ugly and that no man would ever want me… it makes this situation even more embarrassing for me— what if people now mock me because I have lain with a man. What if they call me a whore, what if they say something about you, that you must have been tricked by me, seduced by magic, or maybe-“

Jaime stopped her with a kiss, gentle and sweet. “You need to stop apologising for everything.”

Brienne murmured against his lips, “but I don’t know how to do this Jaime, to be with you.”

Tucking a loose curl around her ear, Jaime smiled, “it’s just this, just us together, sparring, fucking, loving… will you come back to bed with me?”

Shyly smiling, Brienne nodded.

It took Jaime a few moments to get back out of his breeches, but they met on the bed, laying close. Brienne knew that it would probably be hours before she made it out of her chambers.

—

A few days had passed and the great army that had defeated the dead were preparing to go south, at the insistence of Daenerys. Jaime and Brienne could both see the foolishness of the decision. Brienne had told Jaime that even Sansa was concerned about the speed with which things were moving. He had simply sat in their room, for Brienne’s room had become “their’s” very quickly, and watched her pace as she vented her frustrations. Feeding this back to Tyrion had been interesting. It had been the first thing Jaime had wanted to speak about when Tyrion had suggested they go to the inn at Winter Town. And so here Jaime was, with his brother in Winter Town, questioning his and the dragon Queens judgement.

“I don’t think it is the right decision, that’s all,” Jaime shrugged his shoulders, swirling his ale in its cup.

Tyrion sucked his teeth and replied, “she wants it over with, and to be frank, so do I… the longer we wait the more powerful our sister becomes.”

“Cersei doesn’t have two dragons,” Jaime hung his head slightly. He felt nauseous thinking about Cersei and death.

“No, but she has commissioned the Golden Company, she has that insane Iron born pirate on her side, and all of the Lannister forces.”

“She doesn’t have two dragons…” Jaime sulked into his cup.

Tyrion observed his older brother. Jaime looked conflicted. Every now and then he would frown, only to then crinkle at the eyes, as though he was about to smile. _He’s torn, between Cersei and Ser Brienne_, Tyrion went to speak, but Jaime whispered, “she’s going to die isn’t she?”

Tyrion cleared his throat, “Jaime, you knew the minute you left King’s Landing that you were leaving our sister to her death.”

Jaime winced. It was the truth.

“You have to let her go, I believe you can let her go Jaime,” Tyrion leant forward, grasping his brother’s arm.

“What if I can’t? She always said, as long as she lives, so will I, when she dies, so will I.”

“Bullshit, and you know it… Cersei deserves what she gets, you deserve what you have right now… Brienne is your equal, she is more suited to you…”

At the mention of Brienne’s name, Jaime couldn’t help but smile. He agreed with Tyrion. Brienne was his equal, in ability, desire to be honourable, though perhaps not quite in actual honour. There she outshone him a thousand times. And that was why he placed her on a pedestal. Though he would never tell her that. She was everything he wished that he could be, everything that he loved about her. 

“Ahhhhhhh, see, you’re happy!”

Barely able to stop the grin, Jaime shook his head in embarrassment.

Tyrion laughed, “what? I’m happy you’re happy, if anyone deserves some happiness in life it is you dear brother.”

Jaime scoffed, “well, aren’t you going to say something smarmy, go on, say something trite and teasing.”

“Alright, if you insist,” Tyrion replied. “I am happy you’re happy, and I am happy that you have to climb for it now.”

Jaime groaned as Tyrion burst out laughing.

“You’re not that clever you know,” Jaime muttered, whilst blushing.

“I’ve been waiting a long time to make that joke. Thought of it years ago, when you came back to the Capital with Brienne,” Tyrion grinned into his cup, even then he had seen the bond between his brother and the lady knight. Jaime smiled in acknowledgment, swirling what was left of his drink.

“What’s she like down there?”

Jaime’s smile dropped quickly, “that is not your concern!”

“What?!? It’s been too long since I have known a woman, come now, throw me a bone,” Tyrion plead with his brother.

Jaime scoffed and replied, “you’re a dog-“

Tyrion interjected with a sly grin, “I am the imp and I demand to know!”

Both jumped when the door into their private chamber slammed open.

“I knew you two were fucking!” Bronn sauntered in, a smirk on his face. “Two tall blonde toffs, must be like looking in a mirror.”

“Ser Bronn! Where’s your drink? Come, sit… what? What are you doing up North? How did you get here?” Tyrion, in his tipsiness, was confused by Bronn’s appearance.

Jaime felt a twist of anxiety in his stomach, Bronn made him feel uneasy. The greasy sell sword had been a friend to both the brother’s over the years, but always at a cost. Jaime wondered what this visit was going to cost them, _no doubt it is to do with Cersei_.

“Why do you have that?” Jaime demanded, nodding at the crossbow in Bronn’s hand.

“This? Why it’s for you two lads, courtesy of your sister,” Bronn sat down and adjusted the crossbow so that he could fire it quickly if needed.

“You’re supposed to be South,” Tyrion said, only a slight hint of concern in his voice.

“You two are a pair of gold-plated cunts you know,” Bronn replied, glancing between the men.

“No need to be rude-“ Tyrion responded.

Bronn was having none of it, “year after year I have been shovelling Lannister shit, and what have I ever got for it? Heh?”

“I made you a Knight!” Tyrion objected to Bronn’s disdain.

“And that title is worth as much a blonde hair from your brother’s ballsack-“

“To be a Knight is to have power, power resides-“

“Bullshit, _my Lord_, keep your mouth shut or I’ll shut it for you, permanently,” Bronn scoffed.

“I’m just trying to explain, trying to help you-“

“Help me? The garbage that comes from your mouth,” Bronn shook his head in wonder. “I’ve never hit a dwarf before, it’s something I wouldn’t mind half trying.”

Jaime bristled at the comment and glanced nervously at Tyrion.

“Bronn, Ser Bronn, let us be reasonable,” Tyrion pleaded.

Bronn waved the crossbow in Tyrion’s direction, “another word out of you and I will hit you, _my Lord_.”

Tyrion leant forward earnestly, “see Bronn, we are friends, I don’t believe that you-“

The thunk of the crossbow as it smashed into Tyrion’s face echoed around the room. Tyrion yelped, and Jaime stood quickly, trying to look as menacing as possible. Bronn stood just as quickly, swinging the crossbow to face Jaime.

“Don’t you even think of trying anything you one handed fucker. You aren’t at your best anymore and I could take you easily.”

Jaime raised his left hand to placate Bronn as he slowly sat back down again. He wanted to check that Tyrion was okay, but Bronn had him to scared to even attempt the move. _Since when have I become so craven,_ Jaime thought to himself, an vision of Brienne flashing into his mind, her gentle smile, her deep blue eyes that were so beautiful. _Since I now have something good to lose, something so precious_…

Tyrion was trying to stem the tide of blood from his nose as he glared at Bronn, “you broke my bloody nose!”

Bronn laughed, “it’s not broken you fool, I’ve broken many noses, yours is just slightly dented.”

Tyrion groaned and Jaime frowned.

“Right, now that I have your attention. Your sister had promised me Riverrun if I come up here and top you boys off. She really hates both of you and you’ve both been a thorn in her side for too long now.” Bronn said.

Jaime felt ill. He thought of his sister, his sweet sweet sister. He remembered when they were children and their father had forbidden her from going to the fair with Melara Hetherspoon and Jeyne Farman. Cersei had been distraught and searched out Jaime, who had been practicing with his tourney sword in the practice yards. Without saying a word, she had flung herself at him, sobbing into his shirt. He had held her, his sister, his twin, his other half. At the age of ten he had felt like the Knight in Shining Armour, protecting the princess from the big bad ogre. And their father had been an ogre, to Cersei and Tyrion at least. He had always protected Cersei when he could, but who would protect him from her.

“Here’s the thing though, the moment I saw those dragons I knew there was no way your sister would win this war. She’s a deluded bitch, thinks she is going to win, but she’s not, and that’s a fact. So here is what I want, when the war is over, for not killing either of you, I want some thing more than Riverun-“

“Highgarden!” Tyrion interjected.

Jaime twisted his head to look at his brother in amazement, “you can’t give him Highgarden, you might as well give him Casterly Rock, or, or, the Red Keep itself.”

Bronn waved the crossbow in Jaime’s direction again, “you shut up, I will use this thing you know!”

Jaime scoffed, “you may have hit Tyrion in the nose with it, but I certainly don’t believe you are actually here to-“

Bronn loosed the arrow from his weapon. The sound the arrow made as it sunk into the wooden pillar next to Jaime’s head made him pale. Perhaps he had underestimated his _former_ friend.

Tyrion glanced wearily at Jaime, “no, Highgarden will do, it is the best I can offer.”

“Well, Highgarden is a lot better than Riverrun,” Bronn stood, grinning at the brothers. “You two make sure you stay alive, or, well, at least one of you. I need good on this promise boys, otherwise I will murder both of you.”

“There’s no need for-“ Tyrion started to reply.

“Oh yes there is, and if that isn’t enough of a threat for you both to keep your promise, I’ll murder Brienne of Tarth as well… and possibly Lady Stark,” Bronn casually walked to the door and pulled it open.

Jaime wanted to be sick. It was enough that Bronn had threatened Tyrion and himself, but for him to threaten Brienne… _why is the world imploding, it’s all going to shit_.

“Yes it is,” Tyrion murmured as they watched Bronn leave.

“What?” Jaime asked, confused.

“It’s all going to shit,” Tyrion replied, leaning over to pour some much needed wine into his cup.

“I said that out loud?”

Tyrion contemplated his brother over the rim of his cup, “you did.”

—

Jaime swayed on his feet as he carefully shut the door and pulled the latch. Looking from side to side, he noticed the chair that normally held his clothes over night. Pulling it over, as quietly as possible, he pushed it snug against the door. If he could he would push all of the furniture against that door. He would do anything to keep Bronn, to keep Cersei, to keep Tormund fucking Giantsbane, from coming anywhere near Brienne.

Weaving his way to the fire, he placed another log on the embers. Jaime then clumsily pulled his clothes off, leaving them on the rug in front of the fire. He struggled with the clasp on his gold hand. Despite having got quite adept at it over the years, whenever he was drunk, which wasn’t often, it was a struggle. But eventually he loosened it enough to slide the hand from his stump, and he placed the gold monstrosity on the low bedside table. Gently he pulled the furs back and he slid into bed, next to Brienne.

Laying on his side he gazed at the woman who had changed him. She who had reminded him of how to be a true Knight. She who had seen whatever scrap of goodness was left in him, and loved him for the good and the bad anyway. Brienne was still sound asleep. She was facing him, had curled herself towards his side of the bed, his pillow. Her left hand was spread out on the rough linen sheets, as though reaching for him.

Jaime didn’t want to wake her, but he still leant down and kissed gently the back of her outstretched hand. He then shifted closer, so his forehead touched hers, closed his eyes, and fell asleep.

—

The day the army left created great internal conflict in Jaime. He watched from the battlements as hundreds of men moved out, headed by Jon Snow and Ser Davos. Only hours earlier Tyrion had left with Daenerys and her two dragons. Headed to White Harbour, they were making for Dragonstone, from which they would plan the attack. With his cloak swirling around him, Jaime felt numbness climb his limbs. It was numbness, not from the freezing cold of the north, but from the fear that pervaded all of his senses. Fear that had been there the moment the battle with the dead had finished. Coming north for the battle had been like running headlong at Drogon. A last ditch attempt at heroism. A desire to do the right thing at the right time.

He hadn’t expected to survive it, either charging at a dragon or fighting the living dead. At least with the battle he could’ve died with Brienne by his side, to comfort him, to hold him, the only one besides Tyrion to perhaps weep over him. Yet he had lived. Lived to have a moment of happiness with the only person who truly understood him. The one who knew his deepest secrets, his true self. And he was happy. When he was in their room and Brienne was in his arms, when he was in her, he was deliriously happy. 

In that moment, however, watching the army leave, Jaime felt miserable. He couldn’t decide if it was because he wanted to go with them and fight again, or if he wanted to be a coward and run back to Cersei, leaving Brienne and his happiness behind. He had spoken to no-one about how he had been feeling. Jaime had thought to tell Tyrion before they left for Dragonstone, but the planning and packing and leaving had all happened so fast that Jaime hadn’t had a chance. Jaime though now to tell Brienne. He knew that she would understand, but the chance that she may be hurt by his thoughts, upset, angry, petrified him. If he was to do anything in this life from now on it was to try and do right by Brienne.

Footsteps on the wooden decking made him turn slightly. He was not surprised to see the Lady he had just been thinking of. Brienne smiled at him and asked if she could join him. He nodded, reaching out to take her gloved hand. Shyly Brienne placed her hand in his. Despite their having been sharing a bed for over a week now, Brienne was still getting used to his shows of affection. He had explained it to her the night previously, in one of the rare times he ever mentioned his sister— _with Cersei I never got to show my… my feelings for her, publicly, it is something I wished that I could’ve… but with you I can, I can let the whole world know that you are mine and I am yours_.

They stood silently for awhile, watching as the rearguard left Winterfell. Brienne couldn’t help but look carefully at Jaime, watch the different emotions flicker in his eyes. First fear, and then despair, and then relief, followed by a slight crinkle at the corners of his eyes, and a surreptitious glance her way.

“I’m fine,” Jaime said.

Brienne huffed slightly as she quickly looked away, “I know you are.”

“Then stop staring at me as though I am going to break, or go mad, or run away!”

“I’m not, I’m…” Brienne tried to pull her hand away, but Jaime only held on tighter.

“Talk to me Brienne.”

Brienne sighed, “I just, I do worry Jaime… they are going to kill your sister.”

Jaime paled at the mention of Cersei’s forthcoming death. Everyone seemed convinced it was going to happen. Jaime felt convinced most of the time it was going to happen, but for the duel lingering feelings of doubt and fear. He squeezed Brienne’s hand. He didn't know how to respond.

Brienne hesitated, “are… I just… I need to know… I’m not sure how you feel about that.”

Jaime huffed, “well, I’m… I’m sad, no matter what she has done she is still my twin sister.”

Brienne dropped her eyes to the ground at his admission. Despite knowing what a complicated relationship Jaime had with Cersei, it still hurt slightly to know that Jaime still had feelings for his sister. Especially after Cersei threatened to kill him— twice. When Jaime had told her a few days beforehand about Cersei threatening him, firstly with the Mountain and then Bronn, she had been outraged, angry for him. She had been so angry, in fact, that after breakfast she had gone to the training grounds and smashed the stuffing out of one of the training dummy’s. 

"Do you still love her?” Brienne asked without looking up.

“Are we really having this conversation right now?” Jaime replied, he felt sick. He had been trying to keep Cersei out of this thing he and Brienne had. Having mastered the skill of verbal sparring, Jaime had been adept thus far at back-pedalling, weaving, and manipulating his conversations with Brienne away from Cersei. Until now.

Brienne shook her head in annoyance, “yes, we have to have this discussion at some point. Jaime I need to know how you feel, I want you to talk to me… do you not trust me?”

Jaime turned to Brienne aghast, “of course I trust you, besides Tyrion, you are the only person I trust in this world.”

“Well why won’t you trust me with your feelings?”

Jaime jumped slightly when a young Northern soldier marched passed them. Glancing behind him, Jaime saw a few more men making their way up to the battlements. He turned back to Brienne and indicated to the stairs.

“All right, we’ll talk, but not here.”

—

Jaime led Brienne to the Weirwood tree. It’s white trunk was almost as pure as the snow around it, except for the occasional pulse of red sap that would ooze out from between cracks. The face, staring silently into oblivion, was weeping tears of red. The red leaves swayed softly against the icy breeze. Indicating for Brienne to sit with him on a log at the base of the tree, Jaime eased himself down. Brienne, tentatively, took the seat next to him. They sat silent for a few moments, as both gathered their thoughts. Eventually Jaime stretched a finger out to rub the edge of her knee. Brienne bit her lip and looked at him expectantly.

“Cersei… I don’t even know where to start,” Jaime glanced at Brienne. She looked so pale in the snow. Her fur collar on her cloak brushed against her cheeks; she looked almost buried in the dark fur. Concern and concentration were reflected in her eyes. No judgement. Jaime felt relief at that. 

Brienne nodded, “I think, I would like to know all of what happened to make you leave her, leave King’s Landing… you told me she threatened you with the Mountain, to try and make you stay south. But there has to be more to the story, it can’t just be because you wanted to come North to fight for the living.”

Jaime swallowed hard, he started to panic. He knew what he had to tell her, this was the part he was dreading the most. It was what he was most ashamed of, and all he could do was tell Brienne straight.

“Cersei is to have another child,” Jaime said, hanging his head. He couldn’t look Brienne in the eye.

Bile rose in her throat. _This is the worst thing I could imagine, this complicates everything, _Brienne thought as she looked skyward. In the distance they heard the horn blow, indicating the last of the soldiers had left and the gates were being closed. The very soldiers that were heading south to kill Cersei, _to kill an innocent child_.

“It… it is yours?” Brienne asked, she had to be sure.

“Yes… I didn’t mean to…” Jaime hesitated, he wasn’t sure what to say.

Brienne scoffed, “what? You didn’t mean to plant your seed in her? Well that’s easy to avoid you know— don’t fuck your sister!”

Anger snapped up Jaime’s spine like a whip. He turned on Brienne quickly and snarled, “you don’t understand, you will never understand what it is like! She owns me, she is my twin, she is my other half! If she wants my cock she can have it.”

Brienne raised her hand to slap him and Jaime froze. Their mutual glares turned into mutual pain. Brienne dropped her hand. Instead she covered her mouth to try and stop the urge to cry out. Turning away from Jaime, she leant on the Weir tree, looked intently at its face that was weeping.

Jaime choked out an apology, “I’m sorry, I’m… Brienne I’m sorry for everything, for this mess. If, if you don’t want me anymore I understand, I wouldn’t want me either. Even now, when-“

“You think I don’t want you?” Brienne replied quietly. “I have loved you for so long that I couldn’t stop, even if I tried. I know you Jaime, I know all of you, except for that bit that you bury so deep… You are right, I don’t think I will ever fully understand why you and Cersei are the way you are, I do want to try and understand, I want to know all of you, even that… part… but maybe, maybe I can’t today.”

Jaime felt relief flood his body. He stepped up to Brienne and pressed his lips to her cloaked shoulder. Brienne turned to him, she looked tired, “we have to let them know that she is with child.”

Jaime’s eyes widened, he was aware that Tyrion already knew about Cersei’s pregnancy, and that Tyrion would do what he willed with it. However, Jaime had never expected this response from Brienne, “why?”

“That is an innocent child Jaime, your child. If there is one person worth saving in this mess of a war it is that innocent child.”

Jaime shook his head, “do you really think that Cersei will let that happen? She either wins and lives or looses and dies… the child-“

“Your child-“

“-the child will live or perish with its mother.”

Brienne reached up and cupped Jaime’s face. She could see the tears he was trying to hold back.

“The child is yours and I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to save it.”

Biting his lip, Jaime searched her eyes and saw the truth there. It seemed that no matter what he did Brienne loved him. There were no conditions, no demands, nothing but unconditional love. _I don’t deserve this_, Jaime thought, reaching up to clasp her wrist, stroking his thumb along the gap between her glove and tunic sleeve. _This is precious and I cannot destroy this_, Jaime did the only thing he could think to do in this moment, he kissed her.

Brienne jumped slightly at the press of his lips. She was still trying to get used to physical intimacy. It still surprised her that the man she loved would want to kiss her, touch her, fuck her. Jaime surprised her all the time. When he confessed his greatest deed in the baths of Harrenhal, when he jumped into the bear pit, when he gifted her Oathkeeper, when he listened to her at Riverrun, when he fucked loyalty and came North to fight the dead, when he decided to stay in Winterfell with her.

Her thumb caressed his cheek, scraping through the hair at his temple, as she opened her mouth to his. Jaime groaned as he pressed against her, sweeping his tongue against her’s. He lowered his hand from her wrist to her breast, squeezing it through the layers of clothing she wore.

Brienne pulled back slightly, “Jaime! Not here!”

Jaime smirked, “why not? No-one ever comes here-“

“Sansa does, and Bran.”

_Bran Stark_, Jaime’s smirk faltered, _he’s already caught me fucking once_. He had thought Cersei’s gasp had been of pleasure, as he had thrust his cock deep into her, one hand pulled her face towards his, his other hand groping at her breast. It took a moment for the panic on her face and in her voice to cut through the fog of lust he was in. He still remembered as though it had happened yesterday, the shudder he felt as he pulled out of his sister, the quick shove of his cock back into his breeches as he stepped over to the boy. The sheer desperation in Cersei’s voice to _do something_. The easiness with which he pushed the boy out of the window, _the things you do for love_.

“Jaime? What is it?” Brienne asked him, concerned.

Jaime smiled at her, “nothing… I just desperately need to be inside you, but, if you don’t want to risk being caught, I suggest we go back to your room.”

Blushing, Brienne ducked her head, nodding. Jaime huffed a laugh, grabbed her hand, and started to walk back to the Castle, “I can still make Ser Brienne blush then, despite having made her come a thousand times already!”

“Jaime… you haven’t… you know…,” Brienne hissed at him. Jaime just raised his eyebrows at her and winked. Brienne blushed even harder.

“And I will fuck you in the Weirwood one day, trust me on that,” Jaime opened the wooden door that led into the outer corridor.

“Will you keep your voice down, and no you won’t!” Brienne reached up and grasped his bicep, squeezing it with affection.

Jaime laughed as he pulled her down the corridor, “yes I will, you’re a lot less prudish than you think you are… plus there is a deliciousness about fucking outside, being at one with each other and nature… I’ve never fucked in the snow, I would like to try it.”

“Jaime, please, stop it, keep your voice lower.”

Jaime stopped as they let a couple of maids pass by, the first one grinning with amusement at having partially heard their conversation. Brienne looked mortified. Jaime turned conspiratorially to Brienne and leant forward as though to whisper, but stated quite loudly, “but I want to see you reach the peaks of pleasure surrounded by the purity and beauty of the snow. I’m getting hard just thinking of it.”

Brienne glared at him as they heard the maids burst into excited giggles down the hallway. Huffing with annoyance, Brienne grabbed his arm and dragged him the rest of the way to her room.

—

Two weeks had passed in what had felt like blissful happiness to Brienne. Having never experienced such intimacy with another human being before, she had been on a steep learning curve. She was seeing a new side to not only Jaime, but also herself. Their teasing, antagonistic relationship was still there, but it had taken on a more sexual flavour. Jaime proudly flaunted their relationship, much to Brienne’s consternation. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of what they were doing, of what they had, but she knew the social ramifications. Already she had heard men in the stables and during training call her the Kingslayer’s whore. She hoped wholeheartedly that Jaime had not overheard the insult. She knew he would be angry if he did.

Brienne also found that she had developed a hunger for her lover that she had never anticipated. He seemed to make her body sing as it did in battle, and she now understood why Jaime said the two best feelings in the world were fighting for your life and fucking for your soul. Every morning it was she that initiated their love making. She preferred to call it that. Fucking was too vulgar, though Jaime did say there was a difference between the two. Fucking was what they did when they were so desperate for each other that they could barely wait to get their clothes off to be so connected. Making love was what they did when they took their time, ensuring each other’s pleasure again and again. As far as Brienne was concerned she loved him, so anytime they came together was making love.

That morning, her feelings overwhelmed her, as she lay in their bed. Jaime was half asleep still, snuggled into her side, his left hand gently caressing her lower belly. There were no words between them, and all Brienne could focus on was the goosebumps his touch caused on her skin. _I only ever want Jaime to touch me like this, he knows me, he would never hurt me_, she sighed as pressed her lips to his forehead. She had never thought it possible to love someone this much.

Jaime shifted and pressed an open mouth kiss to Brienne’s shoulder. She shivered as she slid down lower in the bed to be face-to-face with him. He asked her softly if she was cold. She replied no. Drawing his head to her’s, she kissed him deeply. Boldly she dropped her hand to his cock and squeezed gently. It hardened quickly.

“Hello,” Brienne whispered as she rolled Jaime onto his back. He lay back and watched her through sleepy eyes as she kissed her way down his chest and stomach. Still gripping his cock, she shifted until she was level with it. Glancing up at Jaime, she slid her hand up and down a few times, watching with a soft smile as he swallowed hard.

Jaime had never seen anything as erotic before as Brienne’s half smile, tussled blonde curls, and humungous blue eyes peering up at him over his cock. He could literally feel himself getting harder. Each stroke of her hand made him grip the furs underneath him harder. He was sure he was going to come before she’d even taken him in her mouth. He groaned deeply and muttered something about “getting on with it.”

Brienne ducked her head and tried not to laugh. This is what she loved the most about being with him. The room was warm and cozy, the fire at a low crackle. The weak morning light was filtering through a gap in the thick curtains. Even though there was the low rumble of voices and bangs of doors opening and closing down the corridor, here, in this room, it was just them. Open, exposed, vulnerable with each other. A room filled with trust. _I would trust him with my life, always,_ Brienne thought as she lowered her mouth onto his cock.

The intake of breath made her look up. Jaime’s eyes had rolled to the back of his head and he sunk down into the pillows in ecstasy. Despite having her lips around him, Brienne couldn’t help but smile. Holding him at the base, she moved her head up and down. Tasting Jaime was something that had taken her a few times to get used to. The first time she had gagged so badly that she almost vomited. Jaime had patted her back and told her maybe it wasn’t for her. She had insisted she try again. The second time he had told her to try licking, which only frustrated him. So she had taken him in her mouth fully again. It was repeat of the first time and she found herself with her head over the chamberpot and Jaime, this time, rubbing her back and trying not to be disappointed. Frustrated, but determined, she tried a third time and finally felt she had found her rhythm, so to speak.

Taking a deep breath Brienne pulled him deeper into her mouth and sucked. The moan that emanated from the pillows above was scandalously loud. Brienne felt his fingers tentatively brush through her hair. Glancing up at him she saw him watching her and she’d never felt so strong before. In that moment Jaime was completely at her mercy and she had the power to break that trust at any moment. Not that she ever would. His fingers gripped her hair tighter and he started to thrust up into her.

So engrossed in their pleasure, they failed to hear the knock at the door at first. Brienne knew Jaime was close to finishing and she wanted to really taste him this time. Up until this morning Jaime had always pulled away, insisting he would finish on the furs, or her stomach, or her breasts. She had asked him why and he had insisted she wouldn’t like the taste of his seed. Again she had asked him why. Jaime had looked slightly embarrassed and just shrugged his shoulders. Brienne felt it may have had something to do with Cersei, but with the tension between them about his sister she was too scared to ask. This morning though she was determined to get him there with her mouth around him. At one point he reached down and tried to pull her off, but she simply glared at him and sucked harder, this time taking his balls in her other hand and squeezing. That was a trick he had taught her the first time she had used her hand on him. Just as he moaned out her name both of them heard a banging on the chamber door, causing Brienne to jump away from Jaime as quick as a Tarthian grey speckled frog. Jaime to yelp in despair at the sudden lack of warmth and pressure on his cock.

Brienne sat back, wiping spit off her chin, and called out, “who is it?”

“Ahem, erm, Ser, my Lady, Ser Brienne, it’s, um, it’s Pod, I’m sorry for interrupting-“

Brienne burned red at the knowledge that Pod would’ve heard Jaime yell her name. 

“-but Lady Sansa desperately needs to see you, yes, um, desperately.”

Jaime sighed as he watched Brienne leap off the bed and start to look for her clothes.

“Al-alright Pod, just, um, give me a few moments… um, can you wait at the end of the corridor?”

Pod cleared his throat and murmured his assent through the door.

Jaime rubbed his face and glanced down at his still throbbing cock. He was still so close to coming, if only Brienne would finish him off before she left. “Brienne?”

Brienne was either ignoring him, or in her dithering in deciding whether to clean her face or get dressed first, didn’t hear him.

“Brienne!”

Brienne jumped at the way Jaime barked out her name. She turned to him frowning, “what?!?” 

“Please!” Jaime gestured at his cock with a grimace.

Brienne rolled her eyes, “Lady Sansa needs me-“

“I need you,” Jaime interjected, sulking. “I… just- just a few more minutes, that’s all, I am so close- I’ll make it up to you later…”

Brienne, now fully dressed, sighed and glanced back at the door.

Jaime leant up on his elbows and wiggled his eyebrows at her, “I promise you, just another minute or two and I’m done and you can leave knowing that you’ve left your man behind very, very satisfied.”

Plopping herself down on the bed, Brienne took him in her hand and started pumping. Jaime groaned in relief, and with a smile lay back down. The look on Brienne’s face started to piss him off though, “no need to look so bored whilst you have your hand around my cock.”

“You said you were nearly done!”

“Well I will be if you looked like you were enjoying it more!”

“Oh for Gods sake Jaime!” Brienne exclaimed before she leant forward and took him in her mouth again. The sudden wet warmth made Jaime’s hips leap off the bed. He thrust twice into mouth before coming.

Brienne grimaced slightly at the warmth that shot into her mouth and down her throat. _Perhaps Jaime was right and I don’t like the taste of his seed_. Pulling away from him, she kept his seed in her mouth and reached for the chamber pot. Turning from him she tried to discreetly spit it out.

Jaime, sated and happy, simply grinned at her, “I did warn you you know, it’s alright if you want to spit it out.”

Brienne turned back to him, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, “and now I need to rinse my mouth and wash my face again.”

“Or not.”

Stepping over to the wash bowl, Brienne picked up a wash cloth, “what do you mean? I can’t go to Lady Sansa with your seed all… over my face.”

“Why not? I could lay here and be happy, knowing you have a token of my affection for you on your face… in your mouth… down your-“

“Jaime that’s disgusting,” Brienne groused as she washed her face.

Rolling onto his side to watch her, Jaime simply grinned, “alright, whatever, you’ve made me the happiest of men, so I’ll just…”

Brienne, now ready for the day, stepped over to him and silenced him with a kiss. She would never tire of kissing him to shut him up.

—

Knocking on Sansa’s door, Brienne touched her chin and lips again, to make sure that they were clean. Pod glanced at her curiously, which made Brienne turn an even deeper shade of red than she had been for her walk from her chambers. Pod hadn’t asked any questions, but had maintained a silly grin on his face, a grin Brienne wanted to wipe off.

“Come in.”

Brienne pushed the door open and Pod, staying out in the corridor to stand guard, closed it behind her.

“My Lady, I must apologise for my tardiness, I-“

Sansa smiled at her, “there is no need to apologise Ser Brienne, you have other priorities now, apart from me… I can imagine that Ser Jaime demands a lot of your attention.”

Blushing, Brienne took a turn around the room, taking in all of Sansa’s pretty things. The vase with the winter poppies standing tall and proudly blue. The damask curtains in black and gold. The tapestries depicting the Stark family history. A low fire crackled in the hearth, giving off a warm glow, and a gentle heat.

“He does my Lady, but you will always be my first priority.”

Sansa smiled as she sat in one of the chairs by the fire, indicating for Brienne to do the same, “We both know that is not true, or rather will not be true in the near future.”

Brienne frowned, “what do you mean?”

Grasping a small scroll in her hand, Sansa unrolled it and read, “We have almost reached Dragonstone. Intention is to stay only one night. We attack Kings Landing in three days time.”

Brienne swallowed and she thought of Jaime. Ever since their argument in the Weirwood forest they had avoided any mention of Cersei. Brienne wished that she could read his mind when it came to his sister. She knew everything else about Jaime, in fact she would hazard that she knew him best out of anyone, including Tyrion and especially Cersei. The more she knew about the Lannister sibling dynamics the more she realised what a farce the siblings relationship had been. Cersei only cared about herself and Jaime, blinded by love, had only seen Cersei as he chose to see her. Fear gripped her chest. How he would respond to this message she did not know.

“Will… will they give Cersei a chance to surrender?”

Sansa tried to hide the glint of delight in her eye, but failed, “I don’t think so. She wouldn’t surrender anyway, her pride is to great and her assessment of her leadership to poor… Do you wish her to surrender?”

Shrugging her shoulders, Brienne watched a log in the fire collapse, sending minute sparks into the air. She would probably regret telling Sansa this, but she had at least try and make her understand, “Cersei is with child, it wouldn’t be fair to that innocent life to… to kill it with the mother.”

Silence filled the room as Sansa gazed at Brienne in shock. Biting her bottom lip, Brienne pulled on a loose thread on her tunic.

“I am going to presume that Ser Jaime is the father?”

Brienne nodded. Sansa stood up and began to pace.

“And yet you love him, you let him sleep in your bed, you know what he is, how can you… how can you be so calm about it all? So forgiving?”

Refusing to be shamed by Sansa’s accusations, Brienne looked her in the eye and said, “I do love him and I am very aware of mistakes he has made-“

“Mistakes?” Sansa scoffed.

“Yes… no-one will ever understand what their relationship is- was, but he knows it was wrong and he is sorry for it.”

“How can you be so certain? How can you be so sure that he won’t try and return to her?”

Brienne stood, “because he is still here.”

The two women looked at each other. Sansa faltered first, glancing at the scroll in her hands. “I suspect you are right- even if he left today he would not make it to Kings Landing in time to stop the death of his sister,” Sansa conceded. “But how could you defend the unborn child? A child made from incest. We know what incest can do, they produced Joffrey together and he was a monster.”

“But what of Myrcella and Tommen? They were not like Joffrey,” Brienne replied. She felt a headache coming on. If she had to fight she would rather do it with a sword in her hand than argue points of diplomacy and intrigue. She had had enough of verbal arguments with those she cared about the most to last her a lifetime.

“True… but should we risk the odds? I think it better to keep quiet,” Sansa reached out and grasped Brienne’s hand. “I am sorry Ser Brienne, I think we should leave the child’s life up to the Gods, if they wish it to be born than perhaps _they_ will persuade Cersei to surrender. To spare her child.”

Brienne nodded and half smiled, “perhaps you are right.”

—

Tension ricocheted around Winterfell the next day. Even the small folk could feel that something big was happening, even though it was far away and barely affected them. All they knew was that the fancy folk were nervous and so that made everyone nervous. After Brienne had told Jaime that the war against Cersei was almost upon them he had become even quieter. They had had another argument that evening, she wanting to hear his thoughts and he snapped that he didn’t want to talk about it. Jaime had stalked out and hadn’t return until after midnight. He had woken her up and fucked her until neither of them couldn’t see straight.

When Brienne had woken up in the morning she ached in her hips and her cunt felt raw. And Jaime was gone. A slight panic overtook her. Leaping out of bed, she threw clothes on and loped towards the main hall. She breathed a sigh of relief when she spied him sitting by himself at the furthest corner of the room. Observing him, she noticed the way that his shoulders sagged, he didn’t raise his head, he just played with the bread and cheese on his plate.

“Ser Brienne? Did you sleep well?”

Pod appeared at her shoulder, a big smile on his face.

Brienne glanced at him before turning her eyes back to Jaime, “uh, yes, well enough.”

Pod followed her gaze, “is Ser Jaime alright? It… it must be hard for him.”

Tossing Pod a half smile, Brienne turned to the trestles set up for the breakfast foods and drinks, “it is hard, but he will be strong.”

Brienne piled her plate with bread, some smoked pork, and a couple of apples. Pod kept step beside her, piling his plate with the sweet pastries.

“Podrick Payne, you do know that there are other choices of food for breakfast? You never had such a sweet tooth on the road!”

“Well Ser, exactly! They are delicious, and these apple breads remind me of a dessert we used to have when I was a child!”

Brienne rolled her eyes, “exactly, a dessert- NOT for breakfast.”

“Have you even tried one Ser? You should you know,” Pod replied, casually tossing one of the apple breads onto Brienne’s plate. Brienne scoffed as she looked down at the offending pastry, but she left it there. Picking up a mug of sweet apple juice, Brienne turned to head towards Jaime, only to discover that he had disappeared again. Biting her bottom lip, Brienne scanned the room and couldn’t see him anywhere.

—

Brienne didn’t see Jaime until late afternoon. She had just finished training some of the village boys with Pod when Sansa approached her, another scroll in her hands. It was news from down South. News that had Brienne worried. Cersei had taken out one of the dragons and held Daenerys’ friend and lady in waiting hostage. It appeared that Cersei had the upper hand. But as Sansa rationalised, it was now one mad Queen against another and she expected Daenerys would do anything to destroy Cersei.

“There is Ser Jaime,” Sansa said, as she rolled the scroll back up.

Brienne turned quickly and took in her lover. He was gazing wearily at them. He looked pale, tired, not happy. Brienne took an apprehensive deep breath as he approached them.

He nodded to them both and asked, “is everything okay?”

Brienne looked at Sansa for permission to tell him the news. Sansa nodded her ascent.

“It is news from down South. One of Daenerys’ dragons has been killed by Euron Greyjoy… Cersei has taken Missandei hostage.”

Sansa tried not to look gleeful at Jaime’s expression. He looked in shock. He looked scared.

“Jaime-“ Brienne made to reach for him, but Sansa interrupted her.

“It’s such a shame really, I always wanted to watch your sister be executed. Looks like I won’t have the pleasure,” Sansa smiled, before she strode back into the keep.

Jaime stood so still that Brienne was concerned he had had a fit or something. Reaching to grasp his arm, Brienne didn’t fail to see him flinch, which was like a dagger in her heart.

“I’m, I’m alright, I just…” Jaime stuttered as he turned around and strode away from Brienne. He felt conflicted. What he had heard was that Cersei had the upper hand. What he heard was that Daenerys was likely to do something stupid and use her last remaining dragon to seek revenge. What he heard was that Daenerys could win… but so could Cersei. He couldn’t decide which option would be worse. _You know which option would be worst, don’t fool yourself_, he thought as he strode back through the courtyard. He risked a glance backwards, seeing Brienne standing there gazing after him. She looked scared. _She should be, I’m scared, if Cersei wins the first place she’s coming to is Winterfell and she will kill Brienne, she will murder her and take the one good thing in my life_.

Jaime stumbled on a step that led out of the keep. Looking up he baulked. He hadn’t taken any notice of where he was going. He found himself in the clearing that surrounded the ruined tower where all of this had seemed to start. The tower that had seemed like the most private, safest place to indulge his most despicable act— fucking his twin sister. It had been her idea. The evening of their arrival Cersei had informed him the tower was the perfect place for secret meetings. She had told him that Robert intended to do quite a few hunts whilst they were north.

Four days after their arrival Robert took to his first hunt. Cersei had insisted that Jaime remain behind with her and the children, to protect them, whilst the men went to play. The look between them had been enough for Jaime to realise her plans. Cersei had then widely informed everyone that she had a headache and would retire to her room. She was not to be disturbed for anything. Jaime had seen to it that the children were happy playing with the younger Starks, before he had slipped away to the tower.

Cersei was already in the tower when he arrived. How she got from her room to the tower quickly, without being seen, had always been a mystery to him. Smiling like the cat that got the cream, she had quickly dropped to her knees and pulled him from his breeches. As she took him in her mouth, he shed himself of his outer coat and loosened the ties of his shirt. Things had escalated quickly from there. Cersei insisted that she keep her dress on, which had frustrated him. How, back then, he had loved to suckle at her plump creamy breasts. But it wasn’t to be.

Cersei had always described their coupling as they’re becoming whole. She had always told him that when he was in her they were perfect and more powerful than any King, any God. Children they made would be reflections of their Golden self. How could that not be perfect?

_She was wrong, so so wrong, it wasn’t perfect, it was wrong_, Jaime reached up and felt the tears on his cheeks. _And now she will come and take me back. She will take all the light from this world, consume it, and only blackness will surround me_.

Looking up at the tower he could just make out the window from which he had shoved Bran Stark. He remembered the fear in Cersei’s voice as she told him to do something. Cersei rarely felt fear. When she did feel fear he had always been the one to deal with it, to make it go away, to make it right. And so he had done the first thing that came to mind to make Cersei’s fear go away, he tried to kill a little boy.

_I’m just as evil, just as corrupted as my sister_, Jaime shut his eyes in despair, _all the evil I did I did for her, I never tried to stop her when… when she killed all those people in the Sept, she is just like Aerys… I stopped him, yet I never even thought to kill Cersei, to stop her. I am like a dog on a leash, a wet rag to clean her messes up with, a fool, a…_

Jaime suddenly looked up at the tower again. The symbol of his foolery. It was even more decrepit than when he and Cersei had snuck in there to be together. The ivy was dead, it looked like black ghostly fingers scratching across the stone. A deep green moss looked like pockets of puss filled pimples, wet and slimy. It looked like the kind of tower out of a horror story. A horror story that he could now stop.

_I know what I can do, for Brienne, for Tyrion, I can make it right_, Jaime thought, _I will go south, I will, I will…_ Jaime couldn’t face the possibility that he would kill Cersei, the word stuck in his mind. Instead he thought _I will go to her, I will give myself up, I will convince her to either surrender or to run away with me. I will take her far away! Yes! Away from all the innocents, from those, those I love the most._ It had stopped shocking him about a sennight before that he loved Brienne more than he had ever loved Cersei. It felt natural now. But along with that intensity of feeling for Brienne came an immense desire to protect her. He never voiced that feeling to her— she would hit him over the head if he ever suggested she needed protecting.

A snap of a branch made him glance back towards the Keep, but no-one was there._ Tonight, I will leave tonight_, Jaime nodded at his plan_, I will have one last night with Brienne, I will say goodbye… though she can’t know it is a goodbye, she can’t know. I…_ Already Jaime could picture her face, the hurt, the pain she would feel upon realising he was gone. He bit his bottom lip and frowned. _I don’t think I can do it._ A laugh made him look back up at the tower. He swore he could see Cersei’s mocking face in the window of the tower. Jaime turned quickly on his heel and ran back to the keep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how I kinda wish the awful night of doom went... noooo not the long night, the night Jaime left Brienne in Winterfell... plus more plot will start to happen as opposed to just angst and sexy times... but let's face it, we're all reading fanfic for the Jaime and Brienne sexy times, right? Right?!?
> 
> Again, this is canon, but not, you'll see were it references a little bit of the show... but hopefully doing the characters way more justice. 
> 
> Enjoy.

Brienne had arranged for supper to be brought to her room. So when Jaime appeared, after sundown, two bowls of beef stew, two slabs of bread, and two mugs of ale were waiting on the table. He smiled warmly at Brienne as he sat at the table. Brienne looked worried. After she had informed him about Cersei and Daenerys he had disappeared the rest of the evening. She had constantly gone and checked with the stables as to whether Ser Jaime had come and taken a horse. It was her greatest fear, that he would leave; she had determined that she would talk to him about it.

As Jaime dabbed a piece of bread in the stew, Brienne clasped her hands and bit her lip. She edged forward on her seat. Finally she reached out and stroked his forearm. Jaime, chewing, lowered his bread and looked at her questioningly.

“I need to ask you something and if I don’t do it now I may never have the courage to…”

Jaime nodded, pushing his bowl away from him and turning his full attention to Brienne.

“Are you going to leave?”

Surprise and fear clenched Jaime’s chest, _how could she possibly know my plans?_

“What?!?” Jaime barked.

“Are you going to leave? I just, I wouldn’t blame you if you felt you needed to go south, but I just, I want to know and…”

“And?”

“… try and dissuade you from it if you do intend to leave.”

“Dissuade me?”

“Jaime!” Brienne heard the anxiety in her voice. “If you go, if you leave, you will be killed, you realise this?”

Jaime’s eyes darted from side-to-side, “I… I know… I…”

Jaime looked at Brienne and then wished he hadn’t. She looked crestfallen, her eyes had filled with tears, and she was grasped his hand in hers.

“So you do mean to go?… Jaime…”

Jaime nodded, “I have thought on it… Cersei is hateful, and I am hateful, I-“

“You are not hateful, you are a good man-“

“Would a good man have fucked his sister and fathered three- four children upon her? Would a good man have flung a child out of window to keep him quiet? Would a good man have threatened to kill everyone in Riverrun just so he could get back to his hateful sister? I am not a good man Brienne.”

Brienne burst into tears. Jaime baulked, he had never seen her like this and it only added to his list of sins, _sisterfucker, child crippler, murderer, bully, and breaker of Ser Brienne’s heart. _Jaime slid his hand out from under her’s and grasped her wrist instead, stroking her pale skin with his thumb.

“It is only fair Brienne. You think me a good man? Let me go, let me go and end this madness, some way or another.”

Through her tears Brienne looked at him in disbelief, “suicide? You would kill yourself for a sister who doesn’t care for you, a Queen who threatened to kill you, to prove to me you are a _good man_!” 

“Well what would you have me do? I can’t stay here and watch the world be destroyed. When Cersei wins-“

“What do you mean when she wins?”

“You heard Lady Stark! Cersei has taken out one of the dragons and taken the dragon Queens handmaiden. She has weapons that can destroy the remaining dragon, she has the Golden Company, ten thousand strong, to destroy the remaining battered and scarred forces of the north. She is going to win Brienne, and then what? She will come north and kill you, she will take you from me, she will snuff out your light like a candle and I can’t… I can’t let that happen.”

Brienne fell quiet. She felt confused as her wet eyes darted around Jaime’s face. He looked haggard. His pallor was grey. His lips white. He was scared. And it scared her that he was so fearful of his sister. _Euron Greyjoy may have taken out one dragon, but they used the element of surprise, they can’t do the same thing with Drogon_, Brienne felt confident in the fact Daenerys still had her biggest dragon. Who could beat the firepower of such a beast?

As Jaime’s head dropped into his hand, Brienne quietly placed their bowls and cutlery back onto the tray and went and placed it on the table at the end of the corridor. Maids were always scuttling back and forth and she knew that it wouldn’t take long for a maid to notice the tray and take it back to the kitchens.

When she returned to their room and shut the door behind her Jaime was still sitting there holding his head. Brienne walked up behind him, placed her hands on his shoulders, and squeezed.

“She won’t get me Jaime because she won’t win,” Brienne murmured.

Jaime scoffed and shook his head, “you don’t know Cersei the way that I do.”

Brienne stepped to stand in front of him, kneeling down to see his face, “but I know you better than anyone.”

Jaime gave her a half smile, his teeth glinting in the light of the crackling fire, “I don’t know if you do… I think you think you know me… but what if I am not the man you think that I am?”

Chewing on her bottom lip, Brienne leant forward, leaning her elbows on Jaime’s knees. As she peered up into his face Jaime couldn’t help but think she was the most innocent and most perfect of creatures. There were no words that could express how he adored her. She was his light in this most dark of worlds, and no matter what happened that light could never be snuffed out. _I need to make her understand, Cersei will kill her_.

“I think,” Brienne murmured, playing with the ties on his tunic, “that you have been told so many times that you are not good, by pretty much every single house, including your own, that you now believe it… Jaime I need you to trust me!”

Stilling her hands with his own, Jaime leant down and kissed her fingertips. Just hearing her voice, hearing her logic, hearing her belief in him eased that anxiety he had been feeling.

“I do trust you, I do,” Jaime whispered.

Brienne nodded, “then trust me when I say you are not bad, you have simply made some questionable choices about things, hugely guided by your sister and family, choices that you have often expressed and shown regret for.”

Jaime snorted as he leant back in his chair. Brienne looked at him carefully before she continued, “you saved your brother from torment as a baby, you are the only one who truly loved him and cared for him, and you still do, even with everything that he has done… which arguably I could say makes him worse than you. You joined the Kingsguard, an honourable calling, a choice that shows your desire to be a true knight, a-“

Jaime paled, “that’s not it.”

“What?” Brienne frowned, she didn’t understand.

“I didn’t join the Kingsguard because I wanted to… at that age I dreamt of being Lord of Casterly Rock and having a wife, having children…”

A log popped in the fireplace, Brienne’s eyes darted to it, “I don’t understand?”

“I don’t think you want to hear why I joined,” Jaime felt shame fill his heart again. He caressed Brienne’s knuckles and squeezed her hand. He remembered what she had said a week beforehand, _we should always be honest with each other_, but how could he be honest about this, about Cersei.

Brienne swallowed, and apprehensively told him she wanted to hear the story.

“I was fifteen and had just been made a knight by Ser Arthur Dayne. I was to head back to Casterly Rock, but I decided to take a detour to Kings Landing. I hadn’t seen my father for many years, and I desperately wanted to see…” 

“Her?” Brienne whispered. Jaime nodded his head.

“I was presented at court the afternoon of my arrival. My father was there in the throne room, with King Aerys… and Cersei was there. She had grown, she was a woman. I… I could see it. It was like looking ay myself, as I would’ve been if I had been born a girl. She was so beautiful. So golden.”

Feeling herself flush with fear and jealousy, Brienne had to physically stop herself from standing and turning away. _I will always struggle with this, with Cersei’s beauty and how Jaime… How Jaime loved her_. But she had asked to hear his story and hear it she will.

“I was staying in an inn with some of the other Lannister knights. That night there was a knock at my door. It was Cersei, dressed as a scullery maid. She had covered her hair with a black cloak, no-one had seen her arrive… no one saw her leave.”

Silence filled the room. The room had warmed significantly. Jaime was feeling the heat again, both literally and figuratively. Gazing at Brienne’s flushed face, her cheeks getting pinker by the second, her blue eyes bigger, he couldn’t help but compare the openness of Brienne’s features to Cersei’s mask. For it was always a mask that Cersei wore. There was her demure mask, one she had used often as a teen to get her way with everyone, but most especially their father. There was her sly mask that she had used her entire life, Jaime could never forget the glint in her eye when, at the age of eight, she had blamed him for breaking the vase that she had just thrown on the floor. There was her seduction mask, the first time she had used that mask had been that night at the inn. All rose cheeks, lips wet and slightly parted, and eyelash curtains through which she had gazed up at him with desire.

Looking back at Brienne’s dear face Jaime saw no judgement there, and so he felt the courage to continue.

“She… she told me that she wanted me to stay in Kings Landing with her and that she could make it happen. Of course I wanted to, stay with her, she is my twin sister, she and I shared the same womb, she was my everything!”

Brienne’s lips twitched into an understanding smile as she nodded for him to continue.

“But I also wanted to return home to Casterly Rock. I wanted to see my friends again. I wanted to jump from the cliff on a hot day into the ice cold water of the sea… I said this to Cersei. What happened next was not what I thought would happen… usually when I went against her wishes she would get angry with me and throw something at my head, but this time, this time, she looked up at me with a soft smile and undid the ties on her bodice.”

Brienne shifted slightly on her knees and glanced at where his thumb was brushing back and forth against her wrist. She knew what was coming and as much as she had insisted she wanted to hear the story, now she wasn’t so sure.

Jaime saw her hesitation, “I don’t have to continue you know, I think you get the-“

“Only if you want to stop Jaime… I told you I wanted us to be honest with each other, and that means even with the more difficult parts of our lives. If I truly want to know all of you than I have to know this part too.”

Jaime nodded and continued, “we had played sometimes, as children, pretending to be like the horses and dogs we saw in the stables… a maid discovered us once and our mother forbade us to sleep in the same room again, to ever be alone together. And then she died.”

Brienne leant down and pressed her lips to the back of his hand. She knew the agony of losing a mother.

“We never did anything of that ilk again, not until that night in Kings Landing… only that night it wasn’t a game of imitation. I couldn’t help myself Brienne, I need you to understand,” Jaime begged.

Blinking, Brienne tried to smile, “I will try.”

“It was the first time I had ever been with a Lady-“

“But Jaime it was your sister, surely you could see the issues that-“

Jaime cocked his head, the fifteen year old boy in him reared his indignant head, “the Targaryens did it, why shouldn’t we?”

Frowning, Brienne snapped back, “and you killed one of them because he was mad! A king born of incest!”

Glaring at Brienne, Jaime stood quickly, forcing her back onto the ground.

“You don't understand!”

Brienne scrambled to her feet, drawing herself up to her fullest height. _I may love him, but he will not intimidate me_.

“Well explain it to me? Tell me the truth Jaime. No more half truths and deceptions!”

With his mouth agape, Jaime stared into her eyes, confronting his biggest fear— letting Brienne down. The only way he could avoid that was to tell her his truth. It started to pour out of him. He couldn’t stop.

“I lay with my sister because I wanted to. She was the most beautiful creature this world had ever created, and when she wanted me that night I felt so strong, so like a man was supposed to feel. We were playing our roles assigned to us by the Gods, she was the beautiful Queen to be and I would be the knight symbolic of courtly love. I would defend her, honour her, and hold her up high until the day that I died. I would die for her if it came to that. And when I was in her it was what I believed heaven would be like. I felt whole, I felt like it was she was my destiny… I feel like she is my destiny.”

Brienne flinched.

Jaime turned to look in the fire, an ember leapt into the air as though in protest of his words— “The way she smells, the softness of her skin, what she tastes like, her voice is like honey when she wants it to be. If ever there was a personification of the Maid and the Mother she is it. And she was mine… she is mine, she always has been, from the moment we were born…”

Jaime turned to Brienne, a thoughtful look on his face that confused her.

“Did you know that I came out of our mother’s womb holding onto Cersei’s foot?”

Brienne shook her head, unsure as to where this story was going.

Jaime smiled, though his eyes looked haunted, “I have always followed her, into this world, into play, into mischief, to King’s Landing, into bed, into manipulation, into bullying, into murder— I have always followed her… perhaps…”

“No…” Brienne cried out. Her heart was beating uncontrollably. She grasped her hands to try and stop them shaking. From the moment Brienne had met Jaime Lannister she had felt like she was climbing towards something. Something so big that it would either elate her and bring her immense joy, or it would destroy her, cracking her soul apart to be scattered to the winds.

Jaime nodded in resignation, “yes… perhaps I am meant to leave this world with her. Just as she has led in everything else, of course she would lead me to death.”

Rushing towards him, Brienne couldn’t contain her grief and fears anymore. Throwing her arms around his neck, she sobbed into his shoulder, begging him to stay.

Rubbing his hand on her back, he kissed the top of Brienne’s head, breathing in the freshly washed scent of her hair. The thin strands glinted like fresh sweet hay in the firelight. It was softer than it used to be. Jaime knew that Lady Sansa had given Brienne some soaps that were less harsh than the lye soap she usually used. 

Brienne moved to look up at him, and with teary eyes told him her truth, “you never belonged with her, you always belonged with me. How can the one person who has accepted me and loved me, despite my being ugly and mulish and stubborn, how can I let you go? But how can I not? I love you to much to see you miserable. As much as I want to cling to you and not let you leave, I also feel that I must, if that is what you truly want… is it what you truly want?”

Jaime gazed into her eyes. Her eyes were the first part of her that he ever felt attracted to. The eyes that revealed so much about her. Eyes that were more beautiful than anyone else’s, even Cersei’s. As quick as a viper, Jaime dropped his lips to her’s. Brienne opened her mouth quickly to his, their desire and passion for each other rising with each moment.

Fisting his tunic, Brienne pulled it up, she was desperate to feel the warmth of his skin, to feel him alive. They broke their kiss momentarily to pull the tunic over his head. Collapsing back together, Brienne undid the ties of her shirt, slipping it off her shoulders.

Quickly their breeches followed and Brienne pulled him onto the bed. She pushed him onto his back and proceeded to bury her face in his neck, sucking on his skin, lathing it with her tongue. Her hand skated down his torso, eventually grasping his half hard cock and squeezing. Jaime shuddered with pleasure. And he trembled with the intensity of his feelings. _How can I feel both happy and sad at the same time? It is too much?_

Gasping, Jaime gently pushed Brienne away, he had to make her understand everything before they fucked. Brienne looked confused as she sat back. She felt rejected.

“Why?” Brienne asked as she pulled a fur up to cover herself with. Jaime stilled her hand and pushed the fur away.

“Why?” Jaime asked back.

Brienne sighed, “why start this with me anyway? If you were always intending on returning to her.”

Sitting up, Jaime’s knees knocked against her’s; he reached out and cupped her chin.

“I don’t want you to ever think that I don’t love you, that I don’t think that you are beautiful…”

“But I am not Cersei.”

“What we have has nothing to do with her!” Jaime exclaimed. As frustrated as he was at having to remind Brienne of this over and over again, he knew Brienne better than anyone else. He knew her insecurities, he hated with a passion all the men and women that made her feel less than anyone else. Including himself. _I’m making her feel less right now_…

“Brienne, I came to your door all those weeks ago because I came North for you. Not just to fight for the living and then fuck off back to King’s Landing… I came for you.”

Brienne reached up and grasped the hand cupping her cheek, “then stay for me!”

Turning his head away, Jaime whispered, “I…I am being torn up…”

“What?”

“I feel as though I am being torn in two right now. There is the me that belongs to you and I so desperately want to stay… and then there is the me that will always belong to Cersei and I need to… I need to…”

“Jaime, you don’t need to do anything that you don’t want to do, you are your own person—“

Jaime huffed, “I would love to believe that.”

“Do! Believe me Jaime, please…” Brienne shifted closer to her lover, pressing her cheek to his.

Jaime closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to her ear, drew her earlobe into his mouth, _can I absorb her, take her into my skin, take her with me anywhere that I go_… He jumped slightly at the pressure of her hand on his cock again. All thought fled his mind. He just wanted to feel her.

Brienne sighed as his hand dropped to her breast and plucked at her nipple. His cock was hard and heavy in her hand and she pumped up and down a few times, slowly, squeezing. Next thing she knew she was on her back, his warm wet mouth suckling at her breast and his hand delving between her legs. _No more talk… oh Gods… two… two!_

“Two!” Brienne called out.

Jaime smiled against her breast and gave his Lady what she desired, slipping two fingers inside her. He used his thumb to rub at her bud as he kissed his way down to the pale blonde curls at the juncture of her legs. He knew she loved the feel of his mouth and tongue on her. Since the disastrous first attempt at tasting her, they had come on in leaps and bounds. Jaime sighed with pleasure when she ran her fingers through his hair, before grasping the strands tightly and pushing him lower. _I like that my Lady knows what she wants…_

It was almost a relief to finally feel Jaime lick her cunt. It felt like the soothing little licks Brienne’s cat Starfish used to give her when she was a little girl. Starfish would always find her and lick her hand insistently with her little warm tongue, soothing any hurts. Jaime’s tongue soothed her. She felt him open her cunt wider and then he sucked on her bud, causing an intense wave of pleasure to ripple throughout her whole body. She keened as she thrust her hips closer to the source of the pleasure.

Jaime shifted his right arm, laying it across her hips to hold her down. He had learnt quickly if he didn’t want to be flung from the bed he had to try and contain his Lady love’s strength. Her wetness was covering his beard already. He could not get enough of her.

It wasn’t long before Brienne felt the now familiar pressure of pleasure rising. It was like a little tickle that grew and grew, until it was a ball of fire focused right on her cunt. A ball of fire that then exploded with such intensity that her whole body shuddered. One of her hands gripped Jaime’s hair so hard that he yelped a little with the pain. Her other hand almost tore the linen sheet from the bed.

Jaime pulled back a little, but still kept his fingers in her, relishing the pulsating of her pleasure. Glancing at his cock, it was twitching with anticipation, drops gleaming on its tip. _It will have to wait…_ Jaime thought as he dove back to Brienne’s cunt.

It took only seconds for her to come again. Brienne felt like she was floating. Like she had left her body. Like she no longer belonged anywhere else other than in this room with Jaime’s mouth bringing her indescribable pleasure. She cared for nothing else. If anyone had asked her who Sansa Stark was she would ask, who? If anyone asked her who Podrick Payne was she would ask, who? All that existed in the world at that moment was her and Jaime.

Jaime reluctantly pulled his fingers from her warmth and as he licked them watched her watch him. His favourite smile of her’s graced her face. A smile that originated from feeling beautiful, feeling sated, and feeling intense desire. He couldn’t hold back any longer.

Shifting himself level with her, he gave her a languid kiss, before he position himself at her entrance and pushed in. She fit him like a glove. He groaned as he pulled almost all the way out and then pushed hard into her again. And again. And again.

Brienne ran her hands down his back and gripped his arse as he shifted slightly. Leaning on his right elbow he used his left hand to lift her knee, opening her up even more. He then used his left hand to push himself higher, changing the angle. Brienne practically purred with pleasure. He had hit the exact right spot she needed to feel the pleasure rising again. Her release took her by surprise this time, appearing out of no-where, a sudden crest of a wave she didn’t even see coming.

Jaime followed immediately afterwards. It made him feel immense love for Brienne, feeling his seed squirt into her. He had often thought over the preceding weeks about possible children. They had never discussed it… he hadn’t wanted to, to unsure about his own future, and too reminded of children he had already lost. _But if I could leave her this gift, a gift of a child, I would do that for her_.

Jaime collapsed on her, eventually rolling off her. Pulling the furs up he pulled her into his arms. Both were so sated it didn’t take them long to go to sleep.

—

Brienne woke up to the crackling fire. _Jaime must have put another log on the fire_, Brienne stretched her hand to his side of the bed, but he wasn’t there. She sat up in a panic. Her eyes wide, she almost laughed when she realised he was sitting in front of the fire. Still. He sat so still.

“Jaime?”

In the orange light that flooded the room, Jaime turned at her voice and looked at her. His cheeks were wet with tears. His hands were shaking. He was dressed, and Brienne felt sick when she noticed his pack sitting by the door.

“Why?” Brienne’s voice cracked. “Before you leave, I just want to understand why?”

“I… I have to stop her, I have to stop myself.”

Brienne pushed back the furs and stood. Jaime’s eyes roved over her strong body hungrily. _Oh to just forget, forget everything but Brienne and her strength, her gentleness, her love_. Her nipples tightened against the cold and goosebumps spread across her stomach and thighs. The urge to pull her back into bed and warm her up was strong. But then Cersei’s voice in the back of his head reminded him of his purpose, his duty. _You may love her, but she can never be me, I am your twin, your eternal lover, your devil, and you will never be free of me whilst you or I live_.

Deep in his conflicting thoughts, Jaime failed to notice Brienne move to stand in front of him. Not until she clasped his hand and placed it over her heart.

“My heart will break if you go, but I will not stop you.”

Jaime clenched his fingers as her gazed up at her, his warrior Lady. His idol. He would worship at her feet for a thousand years as penance for all the evil he had done, if the Gods wished it. Her blue eyes looked like hope, like a future he could have if he just stayed. Leaning forward, he rested his forehead on her belly. He wrapped his arms around her waist. And he let all of his grief pour out.

Threading her fingers through his hair, Brienne felt her heart break anyway. _Whether he goes or stays our hearts will break, how can we bear it_. Crying along with him, she simply held him tighter, and cursed Cersei for everything she had ever made him do and inspired him to be. Pragmatically she knew that Cersei couldn’t be blamed for everything Jaime had ever done wrong, but without Cersei in his life, Brienne was certain that Jaime would’ve achieved his lofty goal of being a true knight. She remembered his agonised retelling of killing Aerys. How he had had to do it if he was to save the entire population of King’s Landing. He was a hero and no-one really saw it. Only she knew the full extent of the pain it had caused him. Jaime had told her only she knew the whole, complete story. Even Cersei and Tyrion were oblivious to most of it.

“I am being torn in two… I… I,” Jaime murmured against her skin. His hot breath warmed the spot just below her bellybutton. “If I go I destroy anything that is good in my life and if I don’t go I lose my twin forever… if she dies I lose her, if she lives and I don’t return, I lose her.”

“Jaime-“

Jaime looked up at her, his eyes puffed red from crying, “if she lives she will try and take you from me.”

Cupping his face, Brienne leant down and kissed his forehead. She could not fathom the torture of his soul that night.

“What do I do? Tell me what I should do?” Jaime begged.

Brienne contemplated all of his, and _their_ choices. Never in a million years could she leave him to face his choice alone. She loved him too much.

“The way I see it we can stay here and wait out the result of the battle. Or we can ride out tonight and head south… we may not make it in time to make any real difference, but we can try.”

“We?” Jaime frowned as he stared up at Brienne.

Nodding, Brienne tried to give him a reassuring smile, “yes, we, whatever you decide to do I will be there right beside you— whether as a friend… or more.”

For years Jaime had felt alone. Alone in the love that he felt for others. He would happily sacrifice himself for his sister, his brother, his father, all the while knowing that they wouldn’t sacrifice themselves for him. To love another so much, but to not have it returned without condition was a special kind of agony. This night, for the first time in his life, someone he loved was loving him enough back. Loving him enough to sacrifice their self for him. As the pale light of dawn started to seep into the window Jaime made his decision.

Pulling back from Brienne, he started to unstrap the gaudy gold hand that had been his constant reminder of his failure. His failure to be everything that Cersei had wanted him to be. _Not her mirror image anymore_, Jaime grimaced as he tugged at the straps. He remembered the first time, after his maiming, Cersei had decided to take him to bed. She had insisted that he keep the stump covered by the sheet, the pillow, a blanket. She hadn’t wanted to look at it; “it makes my cunt dry up like a wizened apricot, it’s disgusting Jaime, I don’t want it anywhere near me,” she had said. In shame, Jaime had done his best to hide it, even as he came undone and had wanted to gather Cersei in his arms. His arm had become an object to his sister, something to be despised and abused. How he had hated her for it.

As he pulled the hand off he contemplated it, turning it this way and that. _A gift from a sister, a present from a lover, an attempt to make me “whole” again, but I’m more whole now, without Cersei, than I have ever been_. The hand clattered rather loudly as he tossed it by the door. Glancing up at Brienne, for the first time that night, Jaime really felt like smiling. Having decided what to do, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Brienne just looked confused, her eyes darting between him and the golden hand. Reaching up with his left hand, Jaimie grasped Brienne’s wrist and pulled her towards him. Resting his chin on his belly he told her his choice.

“I choose this. I… can’t say it will be easy, especially when… when… well, I… I will stay, because I know that you love me. I can’t say the same for my sister.”

Brienne’s bottom lip wobbled as she clasped his shoulder and squeezed. She shivered as Jaime pressed his warm lips to her cold skin. She trembled as he sucked a small bruise just under her breast. He licked it. Kissed it. And then pushed her backwards so he could fall to his knees in front of her. 

“I will protect you my Lady, for my Lady you will always be. I ask for your protection also, your strength, you honour, to guide me and ensure that… that-“

Brienne smiled down at him and simply said “yes.” 

“Come what may Brienne, we will stand and fight together-“

“Yes,” Brienne traced his cheekbones with her thumbs.

Jaime felt himself blush. They were both Maid and Warrior, together, and together they would stand for the rest of their lives. Shucking his jacket, Jaime started to loosen the ties of his tunic as he eyed of Brienne’s cunt. Her curls were still damp from their previous love making and he was desperate to taste, to feel her again.

As Brienne watched him undress, her stomach tightened, and any cold she had been feeling fled her skin as desire warmed her up. As Jaimie kissed the underside of her breasts, her belly, her waist, Brienne felt alive as he slid a finger through her curls and rubbed at her nub. As he worshiped her body, she could not fathom that he had chosen her. Over his sister. Over the most beautiful woman in the seven kingdoms. _How he loves me, I don’t know how, but he does, I know he does, and he— oh!_

Brienne’s eyes slid shut as Jaime slid a finger inside her. He curled it, rubbing at a particular spot that always seemed to undo her. Gripping his shoulders to stay upright, she tried to lock her knees in place but was failing spectacularly.

“Jaime,” Brienne whispered, as he shifted to bring one of her knees over his shoulder and licked into her cunt like it was cream. She pulled at his hair. “Jaime I’m… ohhhhhhhh… um…. I’m going to fall, Jaime… I’m going to—“

He heard her. Standing, he grabbed her around the waist and shoved her towards the wall. Moanning as he brought his fingers back to her cunt, she opened her mouth to him as he kissed her deeply. With his tongue in her mouth she sucked, causing him to groan into her. Lightheaded, she dragged her fingers up his back, and held on tightly. She only pulled back from his kiss when she came, her head hitting the wall behind her as she keened with pleasure.

Her heart still beating a hundred miles an hour, she turned them quickly so that he was leaning up against the wall. Dropping to her knees, she pulled his tented breeches down and grasped his cock, licking the underside of it. All the while she stared up at him staring down at her. He tasted salty already. He was thick and heavy on her tongue. And all she could think was how much she loved him. If the Gods let her show him everyday, for the rest of her life, how much she loved him, she would die happy.

Licking again and again, she could sense his impatience, but she wanted to draw out the pleasure for him. Since they had started sharing a bed, Jaime had always been the more attentive one. Brienne had owned that it was due to her lack of experience. Half the time she had no idea what to do or how to do it. Jaime was the only man she had ever been with and so she was learning everything about love making from him. She was always nervous she would do something wrong, hurt him, or make him not want her anymore.

“Take me, please,” Jaime moaned, trying and failing to grip the wall behind him. Brienne did as he asked and the sight of his cock slipping between her lips nearly made him come then and there. Jaime squeezed his arse, squeezed everything to try and delay the inevitable. It had been less then two days since Brienne had last taken him in her mouth. Less then two days since she had tasted his seed and spat it out. He appreciated the effort she was making, to try and try again. As she hit a particular sensitive spot with her tongue, Jaime couldn’t help himself, thrusting into her mouth like the green boy he always seemed to be with her.

Brienne choked slightly as his cock hit the back of her throat. She simply pushed his hips back against the wall and took as much as she could. It was his undoing. His cock almost disappearing entirely into Brienne’s mouth was the tipping point. He let his seed go.

Trying to hide her grimace, Brienne slowly pulled him from her mouth and swallowed the sticky substance. She leant forward and rested her cheek against his stomach. It felt like butterflies, his fingers tentatively stroking her hair. Brienne closed her eyes and revelled in the feeling. Never in her life had she ever felt so close to anyone. Together, she and Jaime were able to be their true selves, and she would never be able to do enough to thank him for this gift.

Eventually Jaime reached down to pull her up. Wiping her chin, he smiled at her, his stump skating down her arm.

“You’re cold, come, let us go back to bed.”

“Your pack, shouldn’t we-“

“I’ll do it later,” Jaime replied, gently pushing her towards the inviting furs.

Once they were laying back in the bed they turned to face each other. Brienne still felt a flicker of worry, Jaime a flicker of doubt.

“Are you sure Jaime? About your choice?”

“No.”

Brienne baulked as the familiar feeling of rejection flooded her heart. Jaime simply pulled her tighter against him.

“I will always be honest with you, I promise you that… I am not sure, I will probably never be sure when it comes to Cersei. But I am sure about you. I love you and I want a life with you. This is what I have chosen… you asked me earlier if I trusted you, and I do, but do you trust me?”

Brienne closed her eyes as she tried to settle her feelings of fear, “yes, I do, I do trust you Jaime.”


End file.
